1. Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

2. Groo ms, once you get married remember that when you have a discussion with your future wife, always ge t the last two words in: “Yes, dear.”

3. My wife gav e birth four times and still fits in her pro m dress from high school. I gave birth zero times and I haven’t fit in my pan ts since March.

4. Marriage is like going to a restaurant. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

5. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

6. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
Why are husbands like lawnmo wers? They’re hard to get started, emit foul odors and don’t work half the time!

7. Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterward.
What did Cinde rella sa y when her photos did not show up? Someday my prints will come!

8. What is the penalty for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.

10. The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?” “Why?” “Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere.”